Issue: Abrasive employee

Nancy submitted this issue:

G", a long term employee of the company, has been in the department for many years and has an exceptional command of her own job as well as the job of the person under her. She actually used to do that person's job several years ago, and currently she reconciles the majority of the work this person does. So an amicable working relationship between these two is important. Unfortunately, “G” can be quite abrupt and abrasive at times. Because she's a master at 99% of what she does (which is not necessarily bad), her attitude seems to be that everyone else should be too. She takes this tone not only with the person under her, but also toward a newly promoted peer (who is learning), and on occasion toward me, the supervisor.

“G” has little to no patience for the person under her (a person who has been in this position for about a year). When there’s an issue to be resolved or some training to be done, “G” doesn't explain things in a logical, linear fashion. She doesn't tell the story of the problem. While she knows it in her head (or at least I think she does), but she's very clipped in her verbal communication. She can't understand why, after one or two attempts, the person doesn't understand what she's trying to explain. This lack of understanding invariably comes across as abrasive, generally via her verbal tone and sometime via her body language.

She can also be abrasive on occasion with me (her supervisor). For example, if she has a problem that she needs direction on, and I start asking questions because I don't understand her issue or the process, her tone gets short with me.

“G” is also resistant when it comes to training other members of the department. Our departmental goal is to cross train everyone. Her job is one of only a couple that we have not been able to cross train. She refuses. Even though I tell all my people they are the master of their job, “G” doesn't believe she has any superior knowledge. I’m trying to get her to understand that she's a master at her responsibilities and I need her to transfer that information to others. I’ve told her she can even do this informally -- kind of like a brown bag lunch thing. Everyone would benefit from it including the person under her. I thought this might be a less structured way to develop “G’s” ability to teach and tell the story. It would also help her strengthen her communication skills in the process.

I need to deal with this, but I don't feel it's appropriate to reprimand an adult (who is older than me) every time their tone is off. Maybe that's the answer, but I'm uncertain as to what my approach should be.

Dan's Response:

Before you do anything, you need to be clear in your role. You are her boss, even though you may be younger than her. Your company put you into your management position because they believed you were the best person to handle any issues in your department. Not only is it appropriate for you to deal with people issues, including reprimands of employees who are older than you when necessary, its your job.

Next consider that its easier to deal with behavioral problems when you know the cause of the problem. Why does “G” act the way she does? Is it her nature to be short with people, or are there issues at work (or at home) that make her act this way? What does she think about her job? Her role in the department? The personality and capabilities of the person under her? How does she view you as her boss? What does she like about her job? What doesn’t she like? What changes would she like to see made in the department? Why does she object to teaching people her job? Does she realize how she comes across to other people? The more you know about “G,” the better able you’ll be to deal with the issue. By the way, the same is true with all your direct reports. The better you know each individual the better equipped you’ll be to motivate, mentor and manage that person.

Some people who are abrupt and abrasive don’t realize it. Other people know they are but tend to ignore it because no one complains or to downplay it (as being minor) if someone does call it to their attention. Other people recognize it, know its wrong, but refuse, or find it difficult, to change. Which of these possibilities fit “G.?”

If “G” doesn’t realize what she does, you need to start there. In a private counseling session, you can start by saying something like; “you may not be aware of this but you are sometimes very short, especially with your coworkers and sometimes with me as well.” You can bet at that point “G” will ask you what you mean. So you need to be prepared with several examples that illustrate the behavior and the impact of the behavior on the department, on her coworkers and you. It may take some time, but ultimately you want her to recognize the problem. At that point you may get her to tell you why she thinks she acts that way. Ultimately you need to get “G” to agree to make an effort to change her behavior. Only when she agrees there is a problem and the behavior must change can you effectively move to the next step – coaching.

The coaching step is where you help “G” develop ways to minimize and hopefully eliminate the behavior. Start by asking her what she thinks she can do to solve the problem. And be prepared to offer your suggestions on what she can do. Hopefully the two of you can come up with a good plan. Most importantly, be sure she understands that you'll continue to help her as much as you can as she works on making the necessary changes. Also let her know that if she slips or falls back, and that certainly may happen for a while, you’ll be sure to let her know so can be aware of the episode. Making her aware of episodes also gives both of you an opportunity to diagnose what specifically happened in this episode and what specific preventative measures can be taken in the future.

If, on the other hand, “G” recognizes the problem but refuses to deal with it, you have a disciplinary situation. Since she already knows what the problem is, you're counseling session will be focused on how the behavior impacts the department, why the behavior must change, and what will happen if the behavior doesn’t change. You certainly should tell “G” that you’ll be happy to coach, advise and help if she wants it. But whether she wants your help or not, she needs to clearly understand that the behavior must change.

Finally, regarding the refusal to teach others her job, you need to make “G” aware that teaching other people is part of her job and she is expected to do it. If she is not confident in doing it or needs some coaching in doing it, you will be happy to help. But she must do it. Gently remind her that if she refuses its insubordination. If she continues to refuse in the future you can ultimately move into a disciplinary process with stronger reminders, warnings and sanctions.


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