Passed Over For Promotion

Jay and Norman came to work in the same company in the same department at about the same time. They developed a great relationship as coworkers and soon extended their relationship to outside of work activities with their families; they were very good friends.

When the department needed a new supervisor, Both Jay and Norman were considered for the position. Both had good qualifications and their seniority was nearly identical. After much thought their manager selected Jay for the position. Immediately after meeting with Jay to tell him that he would be the new supervisor, the manager met with Norman to explain the decision and to tell Norman that he would be considered for future promotion.

Right after that, Jay reached out to his friend Norman to let them know he hoped nothing would change between them. He told Norman how he valued his work and his friendship and looked forward to continuing their good working relationship and their friendship. Norman responded positively but not enthusiastically and Jay could see that Norman was troubled by the decision.

In the weeks to follow Jay made every effort to continue the friendship, to not act like a boss any more than he had to, to include Norman in many of the management decisions that Jay made, and to continue to praise Norman's work and value to the department. Norman on the other hand was becoming more cold and aloof to Jay. He found excuses not to have lunch with Jay. The families didn't get together anymore.

Norman hoped that, by paying special attention, Jay would eventually come around. But after several months went by with Norman putting more and more effort into the relationship and Jay becoming more cold, distant and withdrawn from Jay, things had to change.

Finally Jay decided to take a more drastic step. Meeting with Norman in a private conference room, Jay began the meeting by stating he understood that Norman might be upset and unhappy that he didn't get the promotion. Jay went on to remind Norman that since that promotion he had made every effort to reach out to Jay, to include Jay, to minimize being a boss to Jay, and to try his best to maintain their working relationship and their friendship under their new boss-employee relationship. Jay then went on to express his unhappiness that, after all these months, Norman continued to be unfriendly and withdrawn.

The meeting ended with Jay looking Norman right in the eye and telling him: "I'm sorry you didn't get the promotion. But I can't tell you that I'm sorry that I did. But I can tell you that I've had enough. After nearly 6 months it's time to tell you 'get over it.'"

That was the turning point. Jay started to be a bit more of a boss to Norman and soon found Norman's attitude changing, the work rapport improving, and some of the friendship being restored.

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