The Hidden Barrier to Listening

Listening means to hear what someone is saying with thoughtful attention. Unfortunately there are many barriers to listening including such distractions as a nearby conversation that can be overheard, people walking by, a ringing telephone, or an unopened priority package that arrived just as your conversation began. These distractions are obvious and must be avoided if we are to listen properly.

One of the most common barriers to listening, however, is not a noise or other tangible distraction. The barrier happens to most of us, usually in a back-and-forth conversation about an unresolved issue. When the other party speaks , we do listen carefully. At least in the beginning. We focus intently on what the other party is saying until we think we know where their thoughts are going. What they are bringing up. Or how they are reacting to something we just said.

Once we know where the other person's thoughts are going, we then switch into a different mode which creates the barrier. We begin thinking about how we will respond to the speaker when they have finished talking. At that point we are listening to our own thoughts rather than those of the speaker. The distraction of listening to our own thoughts makes it impossible to listen with thoughtful attention to the speaker.


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